Not Just For Golfers
~ Bitz O’ Wiz ~
To the golfers who appreciate all that golf is
and don’t concede to it’s aberrations
that give others a false sense of affirmation.
I developed a sixth sense during my adolescence that has served me well in my life. An innate ability to read a room, a situational awareness if you will that has kept me from trouble. This particular passive survival skill blossomed after an “incident” for which I was detained by the authorities at the age of 13. From that day I somehow knew when to take my leave before things went sideways. I could spot the the tell tale signs of decline before it was too late to vacate, but more importantly I heeded them proactively. I always referred to this asset as my high sense of self preservation.
Another aspect of this ability is being able to read an individual on a personal level. How they approach and interact with you and others, their general persona. I get a sense of a person immediately and I follow my gut, intuition and instincts. So many people have the ability to read others but lack the sense to insulate themselves from present and future harm by acting on their intuition.
Really good poker players learn how to read their opponents by what they call their “tells”. Successful poker players can tell (see how I did that) when their opponents draw a good card or bad card, have a good hand or are bluffing by being aware of and remembering that opponents unconscious and nearly imperceptible gestures or changes of demeanor from past games they’ve played with them.
A person’s character can also be judged very accurately using tells if we can only recognize them. Personal awareness is the key, even a subconscious perception that something is off in a person or place can prevent a lot of heartache or worse from interactions with people who would do us harm, but only when those tells and perceptions are heeded. My maxim for avoiding that first seemingly innocuous contact with a harmful soul is never shake hands with the mob. We are just assets to them and they will find a way to use you.
I am going to point out some tells that reveal a persons character. It’s like a window to their true nature. The younger you are the more you can benefit because many people only learn by experiencing life’s hard knocks that could have been avoided had they only recognized the signs.
Situational Awareness & Preparedness
Remember those underage parties we all went to in high school? We’d all meet up in a farmer’s field for a bonfire tailgate beer fest or at a schoolmate’s house when their parents were out of town. Sometimes we’ed drive across the border into New York to go to the bars because the drinking age was 18 and the bartenders didn’t give us too much trouble. There was always some place to gather where we could challenge reality for a while. Most of the time nothing went wrong but once in a while it did. It might get too loud or a troublemaker would wander in or we’d lose track of the time or an adult would come back earlier than expected or a neighbor might call the police because of a fire in the woods or the unusual traffic or number of vehicles.
Of course we don’t only get together for nefarious reasons. There are also numerous situations when people gather for wholesome activities like protests, concerts, church, political rallies, weddings, birthday parties, airports, grocery shopping, camping, school, buses, trains, planes and automobiles etc..
I’m just saying we should be aware of our surroundings always, but especially when engaging in some activity we know could have undesired consequences. I’m not in any way suggesting or condoning less than principled behavior although it was precisely how I learned the skills that can help keep us all safer, even in the most benign of situations.
Situational awareness requires the James Bond like prerequisite of never being blind to the eventuality of needing to escape post haste from a place, whether due to an act of God, fire or any other reason. But more broadly, simply because leaving ahead of the shit hitting the fan isn’t always a possibility.
It is always a good idea to familiarize yourself with the layout of the affair you’re attending to include all possible exits and methods of departure. Being or becoming inconspicuous (like a member of the staff) also helps avoid detection if that is a consideration.
Regardless of whether you feel it is still safe to stay at an affair, it is always a good a idea to depart prior to the end of festivities and without fanfare. Another words, anytime after you have met your host you can simply evaporate. Milling about in or following a crowd in any aspect is usually in bad form.
It is always good to feel vulnerable when in situations outside of your domain. It keeps us alert and aware of our surroundings, or more importantly to changes in our surroundings. Being alert or aware enough to spot potentially suspicious changes in the look, feel or sound of an area or simply feeling a sense of uncertainty can save you if you don’t delay to act on it.
If you are at an affair and accompanied by someone who you feel responsible for and that person doesn’t know or trust you well enough to immediately and without question follow your lead at a critical time then they shouldn’t be with you. Odds are both of you will suffer some consequences so be prepared for that by being especially vigilant and proactive.
I have been asked in the past whether I believe it’s a good idea generally speaking, to be armed. My short answer is no. Both my wife and I have formally vetted carry permits and we own 2 semi-automatics and one revolver, but I am not comfortable that the notion of having semi-automatic weapons on hips is a wise thing to condone or permit given the questionable emotional state of our times.
Personal Awareness
This is not self awareness, but rather being aware of other people. I refer you back to the beginning where I talked about how really good poker players can read their opponents unconscious habits and idiosyncrasies during a poker game that give away the quality of their hand, whether they are bluffing or are actually holding killer cards.
We all have tells. Some are barely perceptible but some are blatantly obvious. Yet, for whatever reason many people ignore them, their significance and their implications. My personal belief is that people are subconsciously attracted and sympathetic to people whose tells indicate character traits similar to their own. Like ilks attract.
I wouldn’t attempt to teach poker tells because they require keen powers of observation and tells are individual dependent. I’m concerned more with tells that point to one’s character. Some character revealing tells that are very easy to spot and some are not. The younger you are the more you will benefit from this knowledge as it is normally only gained through living and learning the hard way.
Golf’s Tells
I was raised by lifetime member of the Professional Golf Association. Please understand, golf is not like any other game. In golf, your most formidable opponent is yourself, the golf course and other golfers, in that order. The rules are explicit, fair but unforgiving and self enforced. Rule infractions and penalty strokes are assessed against you by you. Failure to do so is in and of itself a penalty and punished by disqualification. Golfers turn in all their scores to the pro shop to establish and maintain their handicap. Handicaps level the playing field so there can be a fair determination of who played the best on any given day.
Which brings me to my first tell, the gimme;
Gimmes in golf are shortish putts, the length of which varies depending on who you ask, but suffice it to say they are between 12” and 36”. A length should be agreed upon by the players prior to the round. If your ball stops within the agreed upon gimme distance from the cup and your opponent says it’s good, you may pick it up as it is assumed you would have made the putt from that distance.
However, allowing gimmes is considered an aberration of the rules of golf except either as a way to speed up informal play or during a specific form of golf known as “match play” which is rarely played other than in a tournament.
Gimmes only become a tell when someone arbitrarily takes a gimme or assumes that gimmes are allowed. Such a person would take shortcuts or personal advantage when opportunity presents itself. They also probably want something for nothing when they think they can get it.
The next tell is the mulligan;
Mulligans in golf usually only occur on the tee shot and are a “do-over,” a second chance after your first drive has gone awry. My sense is that they were named after their originator eons ago in the old country.
There is no official sanction of the practice in golf annuls and it is only permitted by mutual arrangement of the players in the most informal of circumstances and usually there is alcohol involved.
Mulligans only become a tell if and when someone arbitrarily takes a mulligan or requests a mulligan after play has begun and they’ve hit a bad drive. Such a person is probably a bit cavalier with rules in general, will to use leverage to get what they want and who doesn’t take responsibility for their mistakes in general.
The last tell deals with preferred lies;
And no, preferred lies are not just Donald Trump’s modus operandi. In golf we have play the ball where we find it unless it comes to rest in a hazzard area where relief and penalties are clearly spelled out in the rules. A preferred lie is when we simply choose to move our ball to a spot that allows a better chance to hit a better shot.
Neither preferred lies or gimmes are sanctioned by the rules and they must be agreed to ahead of the round by all players. Usually preferred lies are only allowed when the fairways are in bad shape and they are never allowed off the fairway. The distance you are allowed to move the ball is usually only within 6”.
Preferred lies only become a tell when someone arbitrarily takes them assuming they were allowed without prior consent. So if you see someone out there playing Zorro with their club trying to put their ball up on a tuft of grass it is fair to assume they are the type that will use leverage to gain advantage outside of golf too.
These people probably also have a zipper inside their pocket so they can drop a new ball down their trousers when they’ve lost theirs.
Doing these things on any round being turned in for handicap purposes only hurts you in the long run because you can’t take gimmes, mulligans or preferred lies in tournaments so your artificially low handicap would put you against better players.
People who pursue lower golf scores in these ways or by not following the rules of golf or not assessing penalties when required will seek affirmation by any means.
It is said that to really know someone is to have played a round of golf with them.
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